Happy 9.02.10, Friends!

The second of September has never been so angsty! But as my parents didn't let me watch 90210 when it first aired on TV my only real regret is that we don't have a day to properly honor the real teen heroes of our generation: the cast of Saved By The Bell.

Interestingly enough, when I was in high school my friends voted me as both the Donna Martin AND the Violet Bickerstaff (Screech's girlfriend) of the group. (We were really into assigning each other television personalities to make our non dramatic lives seem a little more interesting.) Both roles were of course played by Tori Spelling and even ten years later I'm not quite sure how I feel about being linked to her twice.



Anyway, I think both shows are worth a thought on this fictional holiday. So I'm spending the evening at home. Watching Dawson's Creek season two and working on some of my own scripts. Because that's what Tori Spelling, or one of her characters, would probably be doing, right?

Stripper? I Hardly Know Her!

Rabbit Rabbit. It's the first of the month! And after a rocky August I have to admit I wasn't eagerly awaiting September's autumn air. When 2010 began I promised myself that the theme of the year would be doing things that scare me. But after some rather draining weeks I had started to lose sight of that. Thankfully, a friend of mine made a suggestion (based upon a month I experienced two years ago) to commit to thirty days of saying yes. One month to open myself up to any and all possibilities and situations.

So where to begin? How to uncover a new challenge? Well, by uncovering myself, I guess. That's right, today I said yes to taking a strip tease class. Followed by a hip hop dance class.

We'll rewind. I've been a member of 24 Hour Fitness for over two years now. And with that membership I have access to all of their classes around the city. Until this summer, I had been too nervous to try a class. Convinced that I'd make a complete fool of myself and drown in a sea of athletic attractive gym goers. But the past few months have actually pleasantly surprised me. Attempting a few different types of their offerings has actually become, dare I say it, fun. While looking up classes for the week I came across 24Tease at the Castro location. A class that "provides a safe environment for members to get in touch with their inner stripper". I, of course, laughed at the class and laughed even harder at the idea of me completing it. But after a good hearty chuckle I realized that I had no choice but to fight my fear and say yes.

I arrived five minutes early and accidentally walked in on the end of a Turbo Kick class. I awkwardly hid in the corner with their mats and weights wondering if in the history of time if five minutes had ever passed by so slowly. Yes. Turns out the ninety minutes I spent in that room after that passed so slowly I convinced myself that time had actually stopped moving just to mock me in my misery.

"24Tease" started with only five participants. I was sort of hoping it'd be full of middle age women looking to rekindle their sexy ways and that I could hide in the back and judge them. But no. With only five of us, we were all on display. And I don't know if any of you have been to the Castro location of 24 Hour Fitness but the class room at this gym faces all of their machines and equipment. So we were also on showcase for everyone else who was casually working out. Yeah. Yikes, right?

Anyway, the class is only thirty minutes long. You do a sexy warm up for five minutes. You attempt a few different types of strut walks for another ten minutes. Then you learn a sexy routine for ten minutes. And it ends with running the dance with a towel and a sexy cool down. Sexy galore!

Now, no one told me I had to bring a stripping towel. So I had to use my bright pink hoodie I had in my bag. And I'm just going leave it at that. You can imagine how silly I looked, can't you?


It wasn't the greatest workout but there were some entertaining elements, I suppose. If anyone wants to see my version of a sexy towel dance though you'll probably have to just imagine it. I don't know if I'd be inclined to take the class again.

Afterward, I stayed for the Hip Hop class. I was hoping for an aerobic hour with fun music to dance to where I could, again, hide in the back. Nope. It was another small attendance full of cold and quiet people. And the whole class was spent learning choreography for one song I had never heard of. So sadly, I just wasn't into it. At all.

On my way out of the building I walked into a posse of naked men. Well, they were wearing socks and shoes. And sometimes a bag. But other than that, they were totally nude. I guess you don't always need a strip tease class to uncover yourself.

But that's part of saying yes to things you normally wouldn't think to do. You discover that yeah, you were right, some things just deserve a no. But you have to experience them before you're really sure... and now you can all enjoy the idea of this gal in a strip tease class. Hilarious, huh? And besides, perhaps tomorrow's yes will have an entirely different outcome...

The Moon, Mercury, and Some Dog Poop

Happy full moon, friends. Mercury is also back to her old tricks in retrograde. Maybe you're one of those people who thinks putting thought into things like that is silly and pointless. But as I love the silly and pointless I can't help but find it interesting. Perhaps I'm just always looking to blame my bad luck on something I can't control.

And today struck me with some interesting luck. Nothing epic. Just interesting.

It began when I took my dog, Lua (which means moon in Portuguese!) out for her morning "business meeting". While picking up her remains I managed to step off the curb and fall into the street. No traffic was stopped, no one besides my pride had to suffer through that one. I just took my scratched up hands and shook them to the sky for a moment before heading back inside.

After two bizarre bus situations, I made it to camp (my current stream of income) two minutes late. And I'm never late to work so you can imagine how even two minutes would irk me. I shared a fine morning of theater games and unrelated conversations about cats with the kids before we headed to lunch.

When we had finished our tree shaded picnic at the park, and one child had used my arm as a tissue, three girls had to use the bathroom and voted me as their travel agent. Being cool enough to be considered for such an honor was a real compliment. While we walked to the restrooms we passed by a very old woman and her dog, who was in the middle of his own business meeting. She started loudly verbalizing her utter discomfort at the situation. She was sitting in some type of wheel chair device and it was obvious that the mere task of picking up after her dog would put her through some serious stress and probably take the rest of the afternoon. She must have sensed my weakness for pets and old people, as it felt like she was speaking loudly for my benefit, but I immediately volunteered to pick up after her dog and dispose of his waste.

And, um, yikes. That little dog had created quite the mass. I won't get too into it because that would be unfortunate. I'll just say it was truly a shocking and smelly experience. And I deal in the shocking and smelly everyday. But she was very grateful. And it seems with a little act of humanity people are often very willing to leave you with some sweet words of their own, as if your gesture had a price. She told me I was kind and beautiful... and that she liked my skirt. And then how pretty she thought my daughters were. You know, those three eight year olds I dragged along for this undertaking.

As we walked away the girls giggled at the idea of me being their mom. (Which I appreciated. Considering the birthing process of producing three gals around the same age would probably be tricky.) And I explained that sometimes when we can be a help to someone else that we need to step up and do what we can. In complete seriousness, one of the girls came over and whispered to me, "What if we see an old lady with a pooping dog and we don't know how to pick up the poop? What do we do?!" I tried to explain my personal technique with my motherly smile but ultimately explained that just being nice to people is the most important thing. The rest falls into place. Lesson learned, little ladies!

Another bizarro bus situation for my return home and further cell phone issues later, I got back to my apartment just in time to deal with my own little poop machine. And with plenty of time to enjoy this warm moon filled evening... wondering what the planets have in store for us next...

Dog Gone Good Deed

When I worked at Bath and Body Works one of our sales beliefs was, "make someone's day". So corny, I know, but it's actually something that I've come to value. Whenever I'm having an off day or feeling sad I try to refocus and try to do that. Make someone's day.

It's not a difficult task when it comes to me, people constantly make my day with a kind word or a high five. A simple act of thoughtfulness will take you everywhere.

After a wonderful Theater Pub on the warmest day/night I've experienced here in a long time I stopped into Walgreens on my walk home and picked up some items for my dog. Deciding within the moment to purchase her some bones that are supposed to a dog's breath better. (Which would hopefully be a win for both of us.)

I completed my walk under the almost full moon and was greeted by an excited pup. When I presented her with her bone she hopped with delight and licked me with appreciation. It was sort of gross. But still so cute! I realized that while I may not have made any one person's day today, I made one little dog happy. And it's a wonderful feeling.

So try it sometime. Aim to make someone or some dog's day, I think you'll find it makes your own.

TJ's Trades

By now I'm sure you've realized that I do a lot of thinking about food. A lot. And most of my time is spent with the belief that I may actually be able to find a more meaningful relationship with some of my prized Trader Joe's snack items than with actual human companionship. (If the saying, "you are what you eat" is true, what do you think that says about me?)

I've also found that simply asking someone what their favorite treat from TJ's is can often unveil a little more about them and increase your own knowledge of all things yummy. I'm currently having a secret love affair with their Scottie Dogs and their dark chocolate and sea salt covered almonds. Please don't tell hummus.



I was never much of a black licorice fan, but seriously, guys, those things are da bomb. And a girl like me shouldn't be allowed to say things like "da bomb", you know?






And I'd pretty much do anything dark chocolate told me to do. But throw in an almond and some sea salt? Well, let's just say if they were in the form of a fictional chocolate river, I would pull an Augustus Gloop and early disqualify myself from the chance of owning an oompa loompa run chocolate factory.

So anyway, everyone, as you've probably gathered, I love my Trader Joe's delights. And now I'd love to know if we are what we eat, what are you? (Based upon your favorite TJ's item, please. Ah, thank you, my fellow food frienders.)

God Spells Google

Google image your name. I happened to do it by accident but it proved to be an amusing experience. I immediately found this picture. From a production of "Godspell" I was in over three and a half years ago. YIKES, right? Ah, the internet. You always know how to keep it real, huh?

Further 38 Finds

After an evening celebrating Julia's birth at Kennedy's in North Beach, I made my way back to Divisadero. On the 38 I had the distinct pleasure of sitting next to a young gentleman who giggled while reading his bible and sat across from another lad who had the creepy Kill Bill whistle as his personal ring tone.


Once I was home I threw on my cupcake pajamas that would rival Liz Lemon's collection to take my dog out. One of the blessings and curses of living above two bars is that your doorstop is constantly filled with people. Mainly of the drunk variety. Often they're more of an annoyance to be honest but sometimes they can't help but make me laugh. Even in the rain, even while walking my little dog, even with me looking like a crazy homeless woman wearing a dress over my pjs and flip flops, I still earned a nod and smile from a tipsy male bar patron. Thank you, as always, city, for keeping me entertained and flattered in the most unexpected hours.