Aphrodite vs. Athena, place your bets!

The ageless question: is ignorance bliss? It's a thought that has spent a great deal of time in my mind throughout my life. Recently, at the infamous tea reading, I was informed by the reader that not only do I possess a "male mind" but I'm also guilty of trying to hide my intelligence in fear that people will find it a less than attractive quality. She then went on to explain that I have a tendency of coming across as "goofy" to the opposite sex, which was a justifiable instinct considering "most men don't search for an intelligent woman". Her honesty struck me as harsh at first but it then got me thinking a little bit... as most things do... about what intelligence is worth. Perhaps life would be easier if we all knew a little less; they say "knowledge is power" but they never promise that power offers universal happiness.

I found myself more focused on the idea recently while rehearsing a play for the San Francisco Theater Festival. In the production, I had the great opportunity to play a woman struggling with endless questions about this world around her full of people who don't mind being without the answers. She comes to assume that she's the ignorant one because she's so different from everyone else and yet still searches for meaning in it all. Being apart of the show was a delight and I found it something that I could easily relate to... especially after hearing the words of that tea leaf reader. I remembered being back in sixth grade. Picture me, much more awkward and insecure, complete with braces, and dorky glasses, and some long bangs I was trying to grow out. It was right before puberty hit lunging me into another land of awkward insecurities but after the quaint simplicity of grade school. I'll never forget sitting in my English class and actually thinking, "I wish I could trade in being smart so that I could be pretty." This thought breaks my heart a bit now and I find it just so sad that my eleven year old self truly believed that I would be happier without all of my good grades and love of scholastic development if I could just be desirable for my appearance. Confessing that thought embarrasses me a little now but whatever, I'll admit it because it's the truth. As I've grown up, thank goodness without the braces and glasses and occasional bang disasters, I've come to accept who I am and I'm trying to gracefully embrace it. At times I am insufferably inquisitive and restless to find answers to questions that haven't even been asked. But it's the reality of who I am, I guess, and as the tea leaf reader put it, I need be truthful about who I am and stop wasting my time on those who are uninterested in that quality. (Which again, is greatly disheartening because, as I previously mentioned, she actually said that most men are just ultimately not attracted to intelligence in women.) So while I know this isn't my darn husband shopping blog, I felt compelled to verbalize these thoughts here in my artistic quest for culture and meaning. Honestly, I also find that I am quite attracted to intelligence, often before being physically interested, in the opposite sex. I'll also admit that I find talking about books to be amazing foreplay and it made me wonder if I was completely alone in that one... hmm, did that just get awkward?

Through my never ending thought process, my mind wandered to Greek myth. (And, I'm not going to lie... I have a habit of encouraging my thoughts to go there...) I concluded that I'm an Athena and not an Aphrodite, no matter how much I may have originally wanted to reverse that reality. Aphrodite, undeniably alluring and sexy, who was believed to make any man fall instantly in love with her and Athena, the goddess of wisdom and peace, a true friend to all! Amusingly enough, Athena was also known for being attended by an owl (and by now, you should all be aware of my love for owls) and as a patroness of weaving and other crafts (and duh, I was born to craft)! But even though Aphrodite was also painted as rather vain and ill-tempered, she had seemingly endless love affairs and romantic trysts and Athena remained reasonable and intelligent and was never made a fool by love. And while yes, I do admire Athena, because come on, guys, she seems GREAT... it appears like Aphrodite had a lot more fun getting her mack on while Athena never got passed the friend card with any of those Greek hotties. Which brings me back to my initial question: is ignorance bliss? Is love meant only for those who are not smart enough to avoid it or can knowledge provide a powerful love of it's own? I don't know. I guess it's just one of the many questions I still have. Eeesh, sorry to have kept this entry so serious, it feels sort of unnatural to not have thrown in more silliness! But not to fear, I will undoubtedly be back to my old tricks soon.

Hope the week is treating everyone well and if anyone wants to talk nerdy sometime let me know... just be prepared if you DO talk nerdy, I'll probably try to kiss you.