Aphrodite vs. Athena, place your bets!

The ageless question: is ignorance bliss? It's a thought that has spent a great deal of time in my mind throughout my life. Recently, at the infamous tea reading, I was informed by the reader that not only do I possess a "male mind" but I'm also guilty of trying to hide my intelligence in fear that people will find it a less than attractive quality. She then went on to explain that I have a tendency of coming across as "goofy" to the opposite sex, which was a justifiable instinct considering "most men don't search for an intelligent woman". Her honesty struck me as harsh at first but it then got me thinking a little bit... as most things do... about what intelligence is worth. Perhaps life would be easier if we all knew a little less; they say "knowledge is power" but they never promise that power offers universal happiness.

I found myself more focused on the idea recently while rehearsing a play for the San Francisco Theater Festival. In the production, I had the great opportunity to play a woman struggling with endless questions about this world around her full of people who don't mind being without the answers. She comes to assume that she's the ignorant one because she's so different from everyone else and yet still searches for meaning in it all. Being apart of the show was a delight and I found it something that I could easily relate to... especially after hearing the words of that tea leaf reader. I remembered being back in sixth grade. Picture me, much more awkward and insecure, complete with braces, and dorky glasses, and some long bangs I was trying to grow out. It was right before puberty hit lunging me into another land of awkward insecurities but after the quaint simplicity of grade school. I'll never forget sitting in my English class and actually thinking, "I wish I could trade in being smart so that I could be pretty." This thought breaks my heart a bit now and I find it just so sad that my eleven year old self truly believed that I would be happier without all of my good grades and love of scholastic development if I could just be desirable for my appearance. Confessing that thought embarrasses me a little now but whatever, I'll admit it because it's the truth. As I've grown up, thank goodness without the braces and glasses and occasional bang disasters, I've come to accept who I am and I'm trying to gracefully embrace it. At times I am insufferably inquisitive and restless to find answers to questions that haven't even been asked. But it's the reality of who I am, I guess, and as the tea leaf reader put it, I need be truthful about who I am and stop wasting my time on those who are uninterested in that quality. (Which again, is greatly disheartening because, as I previously mentioned, she actually said that most men are just ultimately not attracted to intelligence in women.) So while I know this isn't my darn husband shopping blog, I felt compelled to verbalize these thoughts here in my artistic quest for culture and meaning. Honestly, I also find that I am quite attracted to intelligence, often before being physically interested, in the opposite sex. I'll also admit that I find talking about books to be amazing foreplay and it made me wonder if I was completely alone in that one... hmm, did that just get awkward?

Through my never ending thought process, my mind wandered to Greek myth. (And, I'm not going to lie... I have a habit of encouraging my thoughts to go there...) I concluded that I'm an Athena and not an Aphrodite, no matter how much I may have originally wanted to reverse that reality. Aphrodite, undeniably alluring and sexy, who was believed to make any man fall instantly in love with her and Athena, the goddess of wisdom and peace, a true friend to all! Amusingly enough, Athena was also known for being attended by an owl (and by now, you should all be aware of my love for owls) and as a patroness of weaving and other crafts (and duh, I was born to craft)! But even though Aphrodite was also painted as rather vain and ill-tempered, she had seemingly endless love affairs and romantic trysts and Athena remained reasonable and intelligent and was never made a fool by love. And while yes, I do admire Athena, because come on, guys, she seems GREAT... it appears like Aphrodite had a lot more fun getting her mack on while Athena never got passed the friend card with any of those Greek hotties. Which brings me back to my initial question: is ignorance bliss? Is love meant only for those who are not smart enough to avoid it or can knowledge provide a powerful love of it's own? I don't know. I guess it's just one of the many questions I still have. Eeesh, sorry to have kept this entry so serious, it feels sort of unnatural to not have thrown in more silliness! But not to fear, I will undoubtedly be back to my old tricks soon.

Hope the week is treating everyone well and if anyone wants to talk nerdy sometime let me know... just be prepared if you DO talk nerdy, I'll probably try to kiss you.

Mother, May I...?

After spending some time living like an old lady, the children's theatre that I work for asked me to revisit my role as old Mother Goose in our original play "The Real Mother Goose" for a few summer performances. As teaching drama to children is my main real source of income, the summer months can be trickier for me in the financial sense as my teaching hours are cut significantly. So when YPT offered me a few more paid performances as Mother Goose, I willingly accepted knowing that it may not be considered the "coolest" summer job.

Now, I often consider myself a rather silly person, but this show tends to push my silly limits. The play is intended for preschoolers, mainly, and to appeal to its audience we have a very broad and extensive series of props ranging from a giant goose in which Mother Goose is supposed to "fly in on", a spider that is twice the size of my dog, and a separate hat for almost every rhyme. My costume is a green dress my boss found in our costume shop; it is extremely wide and short and the tight arm sleeves end several awkward inches from where my wrists begin. I also wear a bonnet and crazy itchy collar that I have to pin on the neck of the dress and it really couldn't be any more uncomfortable. So in other words, I've probably never looked better.

My performance on Tuesday was at the Park Branch of the San Francisco Library on Page Street in the Haight. Because of all of the props, it's sadly impossible for one person to manage transporting them alone and since I don't have a car I had to rely on the other teacher of YPT to take me and my show supplies to the big venue. And because she has another teaching obligation she had to drop me off several hours before my scheduled performance leaving me plenty of time to really get into character and realize that my poor hideous green dress didn't make it along with me...

But I'm an professional, right? I need to be able to think quickly and problem solve... so I kept on the pink skirt I was wearing, put on my black sweater, fastened on a ridiculous feathered cape meant for our "Mary Had a Little Lamb" section, put that bonnet on my head, vowed to grit my teeth, and tried to smile. And then in came my audience. And an endless supply of strollers. Baby after crying baby and their parents and nannies. Now, like I said earlier, the show is designed for preschoolers; Mother Goose shares a nursery rhyme and its history and then invites someone up on stage to help act out the words while giving the child the chance to put on a costume and enjoy the spot light. So when the wave of babies entered the room I wasn't quite sure how the show would work out.

Part of me took the time to just laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. Here I am trying to become a "serious actor" longing for dramatic roles, Shakespeare verses, classic musical theatre songs, and the opportunity to share the stage with people who share that same hope. Instead, I'm alone in the basement of a small library in a makeshift costume surrounded by babies and their parents (composed mostly of people who may not speak English on a daily basis). But a performance is a performance and I knew I had no choice but to make it work. Luckily, a few children came in late who were able to stand up on their own so I was able to put costumes on them and seeing their child in a silly hat seemed to be enough to fool the parents into thinking this was one great show. The real test came a little later into the show when a very large and rather gruff woman in the front row called her daughter over to her and tried to breast feed her. The child was old enough to walk and talk (though I'm not totally sure the language she was speaking...) and I was right in the middle of explaining the history of "Jack and Jill" when out popped a region of this woman that I would have been happier not to see. When her child didn't take this free lunch opportunity, she whipped, um, the region back out and put it under her shirt. Yikes, guys, yikes. I did all that I could to just keep going hoping that one day, when I have my own Tony Award, I'd be able to celebrate that real test of performance focus.

Fortunately, the rest of the show fell into place and I managed to get out of the library with some of my self respect. The library told me that they would love to bring the show back for some additional performances and I just smiled and sighed, thankful to leave my character of old Mother Goose for the day and return to my life... of tea, knitting, baking, and all the other fancies of old lady living. Old Mother Goose when she wanted to wander would fly through the air on a very fine gander...

Food For Thought: Lovejoy's Tea Room

I often feel that despite my true age I often act as if I'm already an old woman. I enjoy knitting, I would not think twice about choosing to spend an evening reading rather than out and about, and I like verbalizing expressions that the elderly commonly use like "the cat's pajamas" and "the bees knees" in my every day speech. Today in celebration of my dear friend, Mariah, I got to embrace that older lady inside of me with a tea party. Proving my hunch that tea parties don't have to just be a jam of the elderly.

Located on Church Street, Lovejoys Tea Room truthfully fufills the intention of its name. With an eclectic style of mismatched tea cups in a room full of cozy furniture pieces, one has a hard time not entering without feeling a little like Alice exploring her Wonderland and a member of England's royal family all at the same time. For a very reasonable price, we spent the late afternoon (because let's face it, that's when the old folks are eating) dining on tasty sandwiches, salads, biscuits, scones and an unlimited amount of delicious tea that kept us all lovingly and joyfully jittery. (My personal favorite was a tie between this Vanilla Chamomile mix and a creation we attempted using their Gingerbread Tea and a new Chocolate Chip Tea they had introduced.) Mariah also treated the group to a tea leaf reader which proved to be an amusing and thoughtful experience for most of us. I was interestingly informed that I possessed a "male brain". Ah, how it all makes sense now...

The true love and joy of the day, however, came from the company I shared it all with and the time we spent after our tea just sitting around Mariah's kitchen table back at her apartment. Led only by the way Miss Castle can, she helped gracefully encourage all of us to talk about some of the things we've learned throughout the year and additional goals and hopes we each have for the next few months. We laughed, we shared stories, and we all continued to use her bathroom... because, wow, we drank a lot of tea. Reflecting on it all now, I think it's a great idea to unleash that little old lady living inside of all of us from time to time by spending an afternoon with fancy teas and mature discussions... and then delight in the thought that you're not actually there yet. You still have the chance to embrace so many more adventures, laughs, and bathroom breaks before it's time, and if you're lucky enough to share it with good friends, well, then thank your lucky tea leaves even more for blessing you with such a beautiful design.